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Rhetoretician -- Fiction etc.

Husband 1.0

Husband 1.0

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Louis Laughing
bolognamom  e-mailed me this gem today. I've been searching on the web and have found different versions going back at least as far as 2002 (so far back that they refer to DOS commands instead of HTML commands), so rather than linking to the "first" one (I can't find it) I'm just going to post the version I've got.

***

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate

===================================

DEAR DESPERATE,

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.

Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

Also, do not attempt to reinstall Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,
Tech Support 
  • I remember reading that some time ago. I had forgotten where, so I lost it. That was so funny!!!

    I'm keeping this!
  • That's funny! I've not seen it before. I never knew that I had Nagging 5.3 on the system until running Husband 1.0
  • *giggles*

    Too funny! I particularly enjoyed the dire warning not to install 'Mother-in-Law 1.0 because it will 'seize control of all system resources'. *giggles again*

    I'm definitely keeping this. Thanks for sharing.
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